The Merthurian Jig and the Johnlock Jive

I didn't know how I ever slept in my own room. With nobody there, anyone could sneak in and snatch me while I was asleep, the ultimate state of vulnerability. I knew Ben wasn't an action hero, but he'd have woken me up. Now, I was all alone in a one man tent surrounded by the East coast of Scottish wilderness. And guns. The guns were everywhere. There were soldier tents stationed around our company and each slept just a foot and a half from lethal weapons. How could they do that? Why? They had a nightwatch! What did they need guns for? What if someone snuck in at night and stole the weapon? They'd have to be incredibly subtle but after 'The Blind Banker', my faith in the clunkiness of humanity was in shreds.
 I groaned and sat up. This was useless. I'd never sleep. I grabbed my phone, which was now blessed with signal and, having not been used in about three months, full charge. There were three texts. Two were a goodnight from each of my parents - I'd tell them good morning when the time came instead of replying to that so late at night. The other was from Ben.

Ben: if ur reading this right now, it probably means u cant sleep

me: This is true

Ben: i got a call from moff 2day

me: oh?

Ben: yh he's actually about as angry as ur parents r entitled 2 b

me: do u hear that sound?

Ben: oh yh sorry thats me its surprisingly warm out here

me: huh?

I shuffled out the tent's shoulder-hunching flap and spotted Ben about two feet outside his tent which was about three from mine clockwise. He was sat cross-legged with a book in his lap, though I couldn't tell what  it was. I grabbed the seventh instalment of TimeRiders from my tent and crawled to his side of the circle, where I took up a similar posture to his and dove into the seventeenth century.
 "Hm..." I murmured, "You know the bit in Belgravia where Mycroft says Sherlock first wanted to be a pirate? How cool would it have been if they'd cut to you as a pirate?"
 He grinned. Then the most feminine of giggles. Wait, that wasn't him. It was from over to our left...
 He seemed to sense my confusion, "Oh yeah, Shannen's been tweeting Eliza all night."
 I smiled, "Everything's back to normal, then?"
 "Oh," he replied, "I doubt that ever changed."

 So was it fun?

It was brilliant. The scottish throw  A M A Z I N G parties

twitter would throw an amazing party

we'd b the hosts and we'd wear tuxes!

guntas and jo would man the doors and only let in the craziest fangirls!

and we'd dance all night to the theme songs!

yh we could hav set dances for who, merlin and sherlock!

the Merthurian jig!

the johnlock jive!

the moffat macarena!!

YES OHMYGOD WE ARE GENIUSES

I think you all get the idea by now...